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All that you touch, and all that you see, all that you taste, all you feel.
And all that you love, and all that you hate, all you distrust, all that you save.
And all that you give, and all that you deal, and all that you buy, beg, borrow or steal.
And all you create, and all you destroy, and all that you do, and all that you say.
All that you eat, and everyone you meet, and all that you slight, and everyone you fight.
And all that is now, and all that is gone, and all that's to come,
and everything under the Sun is in tune
but the Sun is eclipsed by the Moon.

Friday, May 4, 2007

Better Second Drafts

118 words, the repetition is tighter, the sentence structure makes more sense. The frags work better.

"We planted another boy today, old enough to husband, not around enough to father. Small mercies there. We've practice so everybody knew what to do. We knew when to line streets and welcome him home. We knew the correct, repeated, so sorry words to say. Waited in line to say them to his parents and wife. We knew the honor guards' names from before. We knew to line the streets again as he went to rest. We could recite the well-worn words of commendation spoken before the open ground. We knew which casseroles we liked. We knew the precise moment to crack the right joke in the church basement. We were well practiced. Wars make for good practice."

3 comments:

littlebirdblue said...

It's an amazing exercise in self-discipline, isn't it?

Cool going, Steve.

Steve Buchheit said...

It's the same as poetry writing, eliminate needless words, work the conotative aspects, say three things with every line, etc.

Yeah, it does take a whole lot more discipline. Hmm. Maybe I should write poetry for a bit to relearn that. I used short stories to pair down my prose and learned how to tell stories. Maybe I should write some poetry now to get that groove back, the love of wordplay.

littlebirdblue said...

The right poems ARE tiny stories, really.