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On the side of a hill in the deep forest green, tracing a sparrow on snow-crested ground,
blankets and bedclothes the child of the mountain sleeps unaware of the clarion call.
On the side of a hill, a sprinkling of leaves washes the grave with silvery tears,
a soldier cleans and polishes a gun.
War bellows, blazing in scarlet battalions, generals order their soldiers to kill
and to fight for a cause they've long ago forgotten

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Daddy's Little Girl, 2nd draft

Went from 1493 words to 1590. It's common for my second and third drafts to grow in word count as I add in all those things I see, hear, and feel about the story but forgot to actually write down. Of the 1590, I would say about 1000 or so original words stand (even less if I would include order). It still feels weird (and a little sparse) to have less than 2000. That's a goal, though, a goal to stay below.

I was able to remove all but one of the story breaks. The one remaining is between the setup and the life our main character leads afterward. That seemed a good place to have a break, the story telling style is a little different between the two sections.

New word teaser preview:

"An acronym stole Caitlin away from us before we had a chance to get used to her. SIDS, sudden infant death syndrome, all too sudden in our case. "

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