I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
And so the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're goin' through

Friday, August 1, 2008

Footprints in a Clean Desert

Starting back up. Had some epiphanies in between. Did some minor tweaks.

I also realized I was switching POV too often with scene breaks. Now I'll only have three breaks with POV switches. Start with 3rd Person Limited (opening frame), switch to 1st Person (bulk of story), then back to 3rd Person Limited (close frame/twist) following a different character. You know, unless I change my mind again. The other switches (mostly inserting the frame back in that 1st Person narrative) weren't needed and didn't advance the story.

At 2206 words, we're at 6025 total.

Edit 11:56pm 3321 words in, 5685 words total, so I cut 340 words tonight (over all 1160 words are gone). Here's where it gets hard. I've taken out most of the easy stuff. Still need to find 700 words to cut while keeping the story. Probably will need to go through it a few more times to get there.

I combined the two scenes, added in a bunch of key phrases, tightened the language a little more. I'm not describing everything, but hopefully I'm describing what's needed. I've added a little bit here and there (so I've cut more words that is shown here). Used some of the standard Lovecraftian language.

Tonight's favorite line, "Another example of the Pentagon wasting hundreds of millions so I can push a button and make it go boom.” Close second “Think they can out-weird the US, eh. They should think again."

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Go, man, go! 3rd to 1st to 3rd in a short? Sounds interesting.

William Jones said...

“Think they can out-weird the US, eh. They should think again."

That is a clever line. :) I don't know it's context, but that alone makes me want to find out what's going on.

Steve Buchheit said...

Thanks, Todd. I'm keeping at it.

William, that's really good because you'll be one of the first to find out. :)