First chapter is broken into two chapters now. Finished first rewrite. Chapter 1 was 2768 words. Now Chapter 1 is 1958 and Chapter 2 is 1462, for a total of 3420 words (+652). There's more description, slightly more background, and some more internal thought process being shown so you can see Gary isn't the superman he appeared as at first. Also I hope his mistakes show a little more (some people didn't see him making mistakes because he lived at the end).
Random sample from (now) Chapter 2:
The body in the ball of lightning appeared human in the way Raggedy-Ann appears human. The blackened shaped whipped like a flag in some unseen wind, arms a legs moving without the volition of their owner.