So, this morning my local telecom had an "emergency" opening and we got our DSL installed. Thirty minutes later and we're cooking with gas. At DSL speeds (current top speed I've seen, 110kb/sec). So they were able to get it done before the month long wait they initially quoted.
But then they also called at 8am with a "we can come over right away" message. Fortunately I'm taking some time off (yeah, not so much, see earlier comment about having a work laptop) because of aforementioned Obscure Updatery. So that worked out. Only took 30 minutes, compared to their estimated 3 hours.
So, we can haz broadband.