Though I saw it all around
Never thought I could be affected
Thought that we'd be the last to go
It is so strange the way things turn

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Memo to Guys

Subject: Urinal Etiquette

In a restroom with three urinals, the middle station should be your last choice. No, I don't care that the one on the right is the little boy's urinal. Use it, if you can't aim down, see a doctor. Middle urinal = last one to be taken. If you need companionship that badly, I suggest a dating site.

Also, please flush when you're done. I'm tired of having to take a pee only to be distracted by the thought, "Wow, that guy has some serious liver problems." I don't mind if you flush while going, or to start going, but add another when you're finished doing your business. Think of the next guy, will ya?

Do not look at me like I strangled your puppy when I flush because you decided to not wait until your call was done, or worse, took the call while voiding. It's not my fault you exposed the people on the other side of the line to your bad habits. I understand that we all get those calls at the last minute, but if that call goes over 15 minutes, I think it was probably planned. If you can't wait an extra 15 minutes, you're doing this wrong.

Finally, wash your hands. No. Really. And use soap. They provide it. If I need to explain aerosols, I will. Bear Grylls may have a habit of distilling his own urine for consumption, but we have bottled water available in the break room. You don't have to. Plus, Bear has other issues.

We could talk about how many shakes, but take whatever you need. Do it right the first time.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

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