In case you were wondering

Dear Universe,

Yes I did have a fun time this weekend. I had a great time with friends. Yes, I didn't go for the cheapest thing on the menu and I had two beers each night instead of one.

You can cut this shit out right now, though. When I asked a coworker, "So, is it me or is it crazy today." She responded, "Nope, it's more like fucking crazy."

I do not like being driven to stress eat and hearing myself yell inside my head, "Don't do it," as I pick up the jalapeno potato chips in the snack room. Or the thoughts of, "Damn, I need another beer today." Cut it out, I say.

Me