And the strikes keep coming. The Reboot is in trouble and we're not sure how it's going to shake out. Mostly because there are lots of things up in the air.
In the main I'm doing good, although I feel like I'm stumbling around like the three blind mice. The coursework is still running in the A category, although for clinicals I might end up with a B. This weekend I need to be studying for the mid-term in positioning (delayed because of scheduling conflicts).
I do like the work. And I think I'm pretty good with the patients. I have a decent rapport with them (those I deal with directly). And while most times we're just dealing with pain, last week we had several severe injuries, bleeding, thumb sliced off, and a shattered ankle… the kind that elicits involuntary wincing when you see it in the x-rays. But all of which I could deal with. And surgery is actually sort of fun (although I have a limited experience, and the doctors I have been with are very cool, from what I understand there are plenty who aren't). There's been a few stumbles, but from what I understand that's normal. Several of the tech have shared their stories, include one of the techs I put in the category of "I want to learn from them" who said they did worse than I am doing for their clinicals. It wasn't until 2 years of being a tech that it clicked.
I've tried to figure out why I keep making small mistakes. Looking for where things are going wrong. For all of it I come to one answer. I'm blindingly tired. The day thing I can do in my sleep, and I think that's what I have been doing. My initiative levels are quite low. The only thing that keeps driving me is my damn work ethic.
But were about to head into the section of coursework that requires even more time. So that problem isn't going to get any better. So the question to myself is, is this a level I can work at or am I going to be so tired that I end up making a big mess of something (myself, the coursework, the day job, or the worst of the worse and my biggest fear, a patient). This summer requires 40 hours of clinical for 8 weeks. Right now between classes, work, clinicals and freelance I'm running at around 72 hours (before all the commutes, lunches, etc). How am I going to be able handle 80 hours? And how am I going to juggle that load with the day thing? There's also a few other things happening at the same time, all of which is going to be a drag on continuing the reboot.
So right now I have no answers. Next week we do a mini-review and we start selecting hours for the Summer. If I can't swing a schedule that allows me to keep my day job, I'm not sure how I can keep in school. I need the benefits that the full time job brings to stay in class (not to mention to pay for it). But I don't necessarily need the classes to keep the job.
But then what do I do next? Do I find another avenue for rebooting? Suckj it up buttercup and find a way to keep going? Is this the "time to focus on writing" moment/event? If I can't make the Summer work, should I finish the semester or just stop now and cut my loses?I don't know. Like I said, right now I've got no answers.