Fuck cancer. Fuck, cancer.

Well, friends, third time is a charm. I have skin cancer again. And while so far I have been extremely lucky in the cancer lottery (basal cell carcinoma), this time it's melanoma. Fortunately caught it early. So I will be having Mohs Surgery for a 3rd time later this month. We're early enough in the process that the doctors don't believe there's any need to look at the lymph nodes.

But things can change. None of my cancers have presented in a normal manner, so things could change while I'm in the doctor's office. All three were only diagnosed because I requested (on the first one demanded) a biopsy.

Many of my new friends here never knew Jay Lake. But he showed us the way. Face cancer head on. It will not control me. When my grandfather had cancer, it was spoken of in whispers for some fear of summoning it like speaking the name of the devil. Now we speak about it openly and I wear my scars with some pride (although I now have to wear a hat while outside, and that covers the first two). But that won't be the case for this one. This site is on my left temple, just over the eyebrow. While I'll follow wound management instructions and try and make the scar as small as possible, it will be very visible.

This will disrupt work, and I'm sorry about that. I tried to make it the least disruptive I could while not delaying surgery too long. This surgery will be a little more involved than the previous, and the incision will be deeper, but it still will only be a local anesthetic, and I'll be released the same day. Except for temporary lifting restrictions while it starts healing, and I expect to be driven mad by seeing a bandage just at the edge of my vision (the band-aid from the biopsy was bad enough), there won't be much inconvenience from the surgery.

Wear sunscreen, get your kids to wear sunscreen. Check yourself often. Don't delay getting something weird looked at. My first cancer was just a dry spot on my scalp. Cancer caught early is treatable and survivable (for this I have over 95% survival rate for both 5 and 10 years).

So, once more, fuck cancer.

Fuck Cancer

But this time with a comma. As in, "Fuck, Cancer." As in "Fuck I have cancer, again."

Over the past year I've has some problems with my skin. Several we had frozen off last February. At that time the dermatologist said we should go to a 9 month interval between scans, but I should call if I notice any other problems. Which I did last April, but before I could call my life when to hell. And then I scraped my head in the garage and that left a scab over the same area. When that scab fell off, the dry spot was gone. So, yeah for self-surgery.

But there were others. Again, life was hell this past Summer.

Then in August I felt a few more spots. By October one was bleeding and crusting over. For future reference, this is not a good thing. I knew that, but life was still kinda hell and my 9 month appointment was coming up anyway.

At the end of November I saw the dermatologist again. Each time the nurse practitioner or the doctor came back into the exam room I kept remembering other facts (like I actually took a picture when the one spot was bleeding). At that time the doctor took two biopsies (both on the back of my head, within about 5" from the previous surgery site. We also froze off four spots that she wasn't too worried about.

And then we entered the time of Schrödinger's Cancer. This is what it's like when the biopsy sample has been taken, but you don't know the answer. So there's the box, but you don't know if you do have cancer or don't have cancer. And you're not the one who has to open the box.

Well, last Wednesday I got a call from the doctor's office. Cell phone reception at the day thing is horrible, so it went to voice mail. Work was crazy this past week so I didn't get an opportunity to call back until the next day. And then we played phone tag until Friday afternoon. At the start of the day thing's Holiday Lunch (sorry guys, like I said, I had to take that call).

The good news is the one biopsy was an inflamed cuticle. But the other one (the one closest to the previous incision site) was Basal Cell Carcinoma. It's also the site that hasn't healed well from the biopsy.

So I have cancer again. And now I have to figure out when I can have Moh's Surgery again. Right now it's not looking good until the end of January (have I mentioned life is kinda crazy at the moment).

It's still sinking in, and I keep coming up with new questions. As cancers go, if you get the choice, Basal Cell Carcinoma is the way to go. It's slow growing, doesn't typically metastasize, and isn't going to cause organ failure or any other major issues. But it will grow and left untreated can become a major problem.

However it's not good that I have had two in the past 3 years.

So fuck cancer. Fuck, cancer.