What a field day for the heat
A thousand people in the street
Singing songs and carrying signs
Mostly saying, "hooray for our side"

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I want to break free

The writing continues apace. Well, slow is a pace, isn't it? I'm trying various experiments to get more time. What I really need to do is be consistent with some systems. One thing I've been trying is setting a timer for my internet connection at night.

This has been the main drain of time. And last week I found myself looking at the same sites and mindlessly surfing instead of being focused and to the point (which I usually am on the internets). I think the best thing for me would be to limit my online time, use that effectively, and then get off and look at the blank page until the inertia to writing is overcome.

This morning on the way into work I attempted to give myself both a tough love and motivating talk. I realized that probably part of my resistance to writing this novel includes the facts that 1) I already know most of the story (so I've told it to myself) and 2) the fear of success and 3) general pessimistic outlook (part of the depression, which I'm wondering if the Wellbutrin is still working, each month I've thought of going off it and like a puppy to Pavlov I keep refilling the prescription).

Add on top of that all the other work, the day jobbery stressful fun (we let go people on Friday and other things I can't talk about here), the night job stress (have to schedule yearly reviews sometime soon), getting caught up with home maintenance things, and a decoration project I'm almost done with (3 three-foot tall stars that will be hung and lit in sequence like a chase effect).

I'm back to not sleeping well. I've never really recovered good sleeping habits since I broke my leg six years ago. There's two causes for this, first is an allergic reaction I've been having lately and second because of the cats. One is fairly good, although she wants attention before settling down to sleep. The other I keep waking to find she's curled up right behind my knee. This morning she lay over my foot and proceeded to squirm and purr. You may saw, "Aw, that's cute," but not at 4am.

And then there's the weight. I've been putting on pounds instead of losing them. Most of October and the first part of November I haven't eaten smartly (almost wrote "well," but maybe I've been eating too well) and not using the Wii. There also hasn't been much work out of doors. I need to build another wood crib and start splitting the larger logs we have (did that back in September, I had forgotten what a workout it was).

On top of all that has been the feeling of being overwhelmed. I now have almost 500 blog posts I haven't read yet and I haven't been writing many real blog posts lately (which is why there's been all the linkee-poo going on). Plus I'm not going to have time to go to the writers group this weekend and it's only six weeks until we have houseguests.

I don't know. Maybe the universe only has so many words to give and everybody NaNoWriMo-ing are sucking up all the supply. It might also be that it's dark by the time I leave work (not necessarily a new thing, but then I used to be working until 7 or 8 every night). I don't know, but hopefully I can break out of this and get back to writing. I can't reap in the big advances if I don't have an agent, I won't get an agent unless I have something to peddle, I won't have anything to peddle unless I finish the book.


Catherine said...

As much as we would miss you, remember that internet is an obligation, and if you have to choose between being a successful writer versus reading those posts, it's no contest.

You *can* do this Steve. You are a good writer.

Would pairing up with a buddy who's also working toward the same goal help?


Catherine said...

I meant the internet is NOT an obligation. In spite of what it feels like. Yeah.

Your ungrammatical friend,

Rick said...

"Maybe the universe only has so many words to give and everybody NaNoWriMo-ing are sucking up all the supply." I'm with you on this one!

Steve Buchheit said...

Catherine, thanks for the support. And I know it's not an obligation, but, you know, I like you all. :) And I really feel like I've already paired up with a lot of people who are right where I'm at and we're all chugging along at our own paces.

My real problem is the variable schedule. It keeps knocking me out of a groove. Like the next two weeks I don't have any meetings scheduled, so I have open time to write, but then for the four weeks after that we have meetings as least once, maybe twice a week in the evenings as we close out the year, and then there are also the nights I've geared myself up to write only to have some emergency arise that I need to deal with. I've already worked out and talked with Bette about resigning the night job, but then that Duty Bone (related to the funny bone but not as funny) kicks in and I'd feel guilty about leaving in the middle of a term (on the plus side, the electors of the village approved the new charter so in two years, if either one of the other councilmen on the same election cycle run for office, I'm out! - they both garner more votes than I).

I believe in the theme that's making its rounds that even getting just 100 words out a day is progress. That's how I'm doing most of this novel. I think I'm in the "I want to be done with this" phase of the writing. I keep itching to go back and start rewriting.

Rick, your back! Any good evidence or experiences in the great wide open?

Jarrett said...

Glad to see I ma not alone in my sluggish writing pace right now. Seems like most nights I have time to write I am struggling to even get out 100 words before my body and my mind shut down and I have to give in and go to bed.

I do like that idea, though. Even 100 words is progress. Besides, I have found that I can rarely stop at 100 words when I am in a groove. I'll cruise right past that most nights. Not lately though, and I think I am going to blame NaNoWri Mo too.

Steve Buchheit said...

Jarrett, as long as you continue forward, that's the main thing (he said also for himself). What I really hate is when I'm just getting into a groove as my eyelids can no longer keep open and I have to work the next day. Maybe if I was fifteen years younger I'd just stack up on caffeine and power through until the end of the next day. These days that hurts way too much to do.

Rick said...

Hey, Steve! I spent the whole time holed up with my laptop working on a book about the Kunoichi (female) ninja. I'm editing the work so you'd think it would be less work than writing it, but...