There's a reason I probably never made it in a major ad agency. I'm an asshole. No, really, I'm an asshole when it comes to the story. There are just many things that ad agencies think are fabulous that I want to shake people and say, "WTF were you thinking? Don't answer that, because I know you weren't. Because if you had knowledge of the actual world, you'd never have come up with this." One of the all time crappy things was the Coke ad with polar bears and penguins.
THEY LIVE AT THE FUCKING OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE WORLD.
See, that's why I never made it. I want to shake they people and say, "SCIENCE, bitchs, learn it."
For instance, the Pizza Hut campaign for Big Flavor Dipper Pizza.
The scene that gets me, the one that in almost all of those cuts, is where the hatchback window breaks. From a strike to the center of the window. Do you know just how fucking stale that crust needs to be to do that? Let me answer this way, you're gonna need a jack hammer to separate those pieces (not slices, slices are wedge shaped and the size of a personal pan pizza), cause they're rock hard. I appreciate that tailgate windscreens aren't the most stable, but it's still safety glass. I can hear the giggling in the ad agency conference room. "That's just so cool, with the double take. WIN!" Nope, that's a fail. You made the customer's product look bad. Don't worry, the customer didn't get it either.
Then there is this Scion commercial, "Driver for Nick."
So, uh, is he using Uber or Grindr? Because there's something totally non-homoerotic about that commercial. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just not sure that was exactly what they were going for. Or maybe it is.
So, yea, now you know why I never made it in a big ad agency.
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