I have a rewrite I need to get through the eldritch pipes this week. I'm going to restructure the whole front of the story (it starts off slow). The parts of the story will remain, it's just I'll short hand some of the beginning. It was a frame up, and I spent way to much wordcount on a sub-story that doesn't advance the plot. Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, kill your darlings. Then I've been debating some other parts of the story, how I describe some things. When I get to the meat of the issue, when things start getting all squamous and 'sploady, there are other parts that need to be cut and two scenes that need combining. The story suffers from too much "they went here, did this, then other there and did that" kind of exposition. I can cut most of that out. One character that had remained nameless now is named. There a bit more interaction and touching of puppets that needs to go on. And the end of the main story can be cut a little shorter (it spoke more to a continuation of thoughts than to the story itself). I like the way the frame ends, though, probably keep most of that. Oh, and did I mention is needs to go on an gibbous diet and lose 1500 words? And that it's a military story, and I've learned a little more about some of the new terminology.
Hey, and while I'm thinking of that, I know some of you have been in recently and have served in Iraq, so I have some questions. I've debated keeping in some pejoratives given the Helix kerfluffle. The characters (all military who served in the sand box) in the story refer to the Iraqis as "Hajjis" and AQI as "Towel-heads." Am I way off base here with the usage, and was it "accepted" to use those terms between each other? I know in general I shouldn't use them (and in a omniscient narrative, I wouldn't, these are all in "dialog" or "first person"), but I was going for verisimilitude. What are your thoughts?
2 comments:
"Hajji" was about as far is it ever went, and if we wanted perjoratives for AQI or others, it was "insurgent fuckheads" or something along those lines. "Towel head" and the rest were severely frowned on, and "hajji" was all we used on a regular basis, though even that was officially unacceptable. "Local Nationals" was the preferred term. Prior to our departure, each unit got a briefing from MGen. Mattis, and had the opportunity for Q&A. At our unit's briefing, someone from one of the attached support units, who had been in on the original invasion, stood up and asked a question about the "hajjis." Mattis pretended not to hear him and made him repeat it until he said "local nationals."
And as far as I knew, we were using it in reference to Muslims who went on the Hajj. (Not the other etymology involving the Indian kid from Johnny Quest.) Ironic, given the number of Iraqi Christians we knew and worked with.
Thanks Dave. Hajji was something I came across while doing research. Towel-head was from my time. I think I need to change those out, just given the current climate. It's not like there aren't other cusses I could use (like "insurgent fuckheads/'tards").
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