From: Jesus Saves email@example.com
Date: May 19, 2011 6:05:25 PM
Gods wrath is coming...
By coming, I'm assuming here that you've missed most of the Old Testament and the various "God killed thousands of innocents because he's upset people are having butt-sex" proclamations. And, speaking of sex, I'll just go with the assumption that you chose the right homophone here.
There are hundreds of earthquakes daily, asteroids coming toward earth, volcanos going off almost weekly, birds falling out of the sky and animals dying in masses worldwide, He is coming, be ready.
And this would make this Saturday any different from any other random Thursday for the, well most of written history. Sigh. Okay, the world's an active place, that's why we have earthquakes and volcanos going off all the time. Birds often fall out of the sky. Especially with the pollutants we put up there. Not to mention the various viruses that do it as well. Same with animals. If these are signs of his approach, he's been warming up for an awfully long time.
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.
Yeah. I've heard that crap before. Do you have any other motivational posters on your wall. How about the one with the kitty hanging from the branch with the "Hang in there" tag? I love that one.
Accept Jesus as your Savior.
I was going to go with this guy I met last weekend. He was really cool. You know, the like him instantly, never mind the burning rubber smell, kind of guy. He seemed to have some really interesting insights into how we're all controlled by this mothership that's in orbit. Or behind the moon. Maybe it was on one of those asteroids you talked about. But you've convinced me otherwise with the whole "You're about to get smited" talk. That's a cool gig for someone that sells themselves as love incarnate. With that kinda love, who needs anemones.