No doorways, no windows, no walls
No shelter here on the ground
No standing and no safe place to fall
Just the promise of this distant sound
Bells are ringing all over the world

Sunday, May 18, 2008

If It's On TV, It Must Be True

So, nothing is really on TV. We spent most of the day at the Cleveland Museum of Art looking at the the amory of the last days of the Holy Roman Empire. It was a really excellent show. It focused a little too much on the armor side (I like the sharp pointy things myself). The armor was fabulous, and in the last gallery they had formations of armor with pikes. "Treguna Mekoides and Tracorum Satis Dee" is you know what I mean. We also had friends along which made it fun, it's good to catch up with friends while seeing new things.

We took our time coming back home, so there wasn't all that time to do anything productive, so we ended up the evening watching TV. Of which there is nothing on anyway (why I'm blogging and surfing).

That's when we chanced upon the SciFi Channel's "The Mystery of the Crystal Skulls."

What a piece of crap. It's so bad you have to watch to see what other incredibly, outrageously stupid they're going to say next. It's the same entertainment value you can get from crazy street people (as in the ones who talk to the air and wear two heavy winter coats in the middle of summer and actually have a tin-foil hat), but without the possibility of having a shiv pulled on you. I'm sure SciFi has a website for this, but I don't want to pollute your minds with it.

What's worse is this is being presented as an actual documentary. For that, the producers have no shame and should be horsewhipped. Yes, I know it's all a part of the media ramp-up to the latest Indiana Jones movie, "The Geritol Years." But seriously. "Face on Mars" being brought up? Haven't we debunked that enough.

This "documentary" leads off with the great non sequitur from the genuine nutjob "expert" saying that the skulls are made of the same thing out high tech computer chips are made of. "Just think of how much information could be stored there?" he asks rhetorically. Because, you know, they're alien artifacts (insert standard, "once humans are evolved enough we'll be given the keys to the knowledge inside" - yeah, everybody has one of those). Except for the fact that silicon is used as insulator, not actual memory storage. Bizzzt. Thanks for playing, but no parting gifts.

And then completely forget that they're mixing Mayan and Aztec mythologies in their "ancient history is all mysterious" brand cuisinart. Oh, and Bette wants me to make sure I mentioned that they squeezed in Atlantis.

But wait, there's more. If you watch now you get the gratuitous Native Spiritual Guides who hold all the secrets (living like his ancient Mayan ancestors in a hut in the jungle with mud floors and with the repurposed Pepsi machine made into a fridge.

Really, truly, terribly bad. It makes Ghost Hunters look positively intellectual.

Edit 10:47pm Okay, Edgar Cayce showed up around 1:26 into the show, and now the main "expedition" (no, really, "idiots running around with cameras following them" is more the case) just entered "the cave" which is guarded (you know, like dragons guard treasure) by a "giant tarantula." OMG. When the horror/slasher movies "based on a real story" look more non-fiction than a supposed "documentary," something is very, very wrong. heck, the trailers to the new Hulk movie look more non-fictional.

Edit 11:06pm Saved by the Family Guy take on Star War on Adult Swim. It's the rescue scene. Love the elevator music. Ah, sanity.

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