Though I saw it all around
Never thought I could be affected
Thought that we'd be the last to go
It is so strange the way things turn

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Faces come out of the rain

Sometimes reality doesn't feel real.

This morning's commute is an example. Today's commute time forecast, pea soup fog. And boy did it deliver. Contributed to an extra long commute and late arrival time. So for future notes, I need to adjust travel times for foggy mornings. On the previous commute, by the time I'd reach Rt. 6, I would have climbed out of any fog (or climbed into fog as it happened sometimes). That was about one quarter of the distance to the old job. On the current commute, when it's foggy out, it's foggy enough to slow travel until I reach 422, which is about half way distance wise, but three quarters of the time. That's a big change.

And before we go forward, just a shout out to my fellow Ohio commuters, turn on your gorram headlights when it's foggy. Seriously. I don't care if you can see. I can't see you. Fortunately none of my turns involved that bit of asshattery, nor did the one time I had to pass someone. But I saw enough oncoming traffic sans headlights. Having your headlights on allows people to see you through the fog before they'll see your vehicle. That extra 3 seconds is important.

But back to the fog. This was the type of fog that clings to your windshields. The kind that the insect invasion uses to mask its approach and landing. That kind of fog.

And it brought home to me that I've been floating, the drive mirroring my own internal landscape of the past month. Where things loam out of the mist and I deal with them, but not really being able to tell if that's just a shadow in front of the car in front of me, or another car.

And the thing is, I realized this emotive behavior yesterday. So last night I found my bottle for Wellbutrin, made sure I had a refill left, and put it in my briefcase for refilling today.

And right now I'm thinking about issues about why this is necessary, and what that means going forward. See, I had been a little happy about having been off Wellbutrin since almost the beginning of the unemployment and not feeling this way. Now I'm not sure what to think after having a job for two months and realizing that I may need it's help.

In the past few weeks I've had moments of polyphagia (wanting to eat too much), and wanting to just curl up in a ball, and my weight has also been becoming a problem. Since I did my last update on weight, I've broken above 300. The bad part about this is that almost all the weight gain has been belly weight (the worst kind).

I'm hoping this is just a little soft patch and we'll get past it.

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