And they come with no warning,
nature loves her little surprises.
Continual crisis!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

If he didn't say he would deliver it, I wouldn't be on this high horse

John Boehner says the Republicans are ready to lead, that they're the party with the new ideas on how to make the economy work, get people back to work, and end big government. Well, since he helped break it, he should know how to put it back together.

Teacher: So, John, have your report on all the new ideas you have for making the government work better?

John Boehner: Um, my dog ate it on the way out this morning. I'll print you out a new copy next year. But I do know we shouldn't do this stimulus.

Teacher: Your dog? You don't have a dog. But, okay, I'll give you an extension.

the next year

Teacher: Okay, John, you're extension is up. Do you have that paper?

John Boehner: My printer was out of ink this morning. I do know we shouldn't do this Obamacare bill. And I've decided that we need more research on what the people really want.

Teacher: Having you been saying you're the party of people, shouldn't you already know? ::sigh:: All right. I'll give you another extension.

the next year

Teacher: Okay, John, it's been a year and a half. Do you finally get an ink cartridge?

John Boehner: Yes, and it turns out the people want tax cuts, ending social programs, reduce regulations that protect them, and have the Republicans back in power. You know, instead of this horrible stimulus that hasn't done a thing.

Teacher: Do you have the paper?

John Boehner: Um, no, because all this is so new we and haven't had time to figure out how to make it work this time.

Teacher: ::sighs:: You know with each extension I'm lowering your grade by a full letter? Okay. Well, those aren't really anything new are they? We've had a decade of those ideas and had wage stagnation and the worst GDP growth since the Great Depression. But I'll grant you one more extension. You know you now need to write an "A" paper to even get a passing grade, right?

the next year

Teacher: Okay, John, it's been two years now. Do you finally have that paper of new ideas ready?

John Boehner: I'll turn it in after the election. But the President should fire all his advisors because they're just mucking up our story telling. He should hire in all the bozos we had who couldn't organize a two car parade. Because government can't work for the people. I mean doesn't work.

Teacher: ::head desk::

Really, John? It's been two years and no real new ideas than the same tired rhetoric that got us into this mess. After all you tell us that these major bills that have been passed have no Republican ideas in them (even though they actually do). You're medical reform bill was all of two pages, a half page of which was "tax cuts." You're like the joke "Horse Doctor Manual."

Broken Leg: Tax Cuts

Sick: Tax Cuts

Split hoof: Tax Cuts

Broken Withers: Tax Cuts

Needs Bath: Tax Cuts

You've had two years to do your home work, John. And nothing to show for it.


sheila, who isn't lurking today said...

Appropriate treatments, as told by a real horse owner:

Broken Leg: Fix it if you can, put down if you can't. Oh, noes! That's a DEATH PANEL!

Sick: Just hope that the condition goes away, because you can't afford a barn call. Oh, wait! That's just for the uninsured, those dishonest scallywags who don't have health insurance even though they can easily afford it on a part-time, minimum-wage income.

Split hoof: Apply Healex hoof cream -- it's a lot like Noxema. Oh, wait, your health plan won't cover that because it's not a generic!

Broken Withers: WTF? I've never known of a horse with a fracture at the withers! This must be an invention by those damned communist Nazi liberals!

Needs Bath: Let horse roll in the dirt to exfoliate, then brush coat clean. If that fails, use a hose and a small bottle of iodine shampoo. Hire illegal immigrants to do the actual work.

Tax cuts are great because they mainly go to those who already have more money than they can use. Hey! I know what to do with all those extra millions: buy more horses!


oreausle = stimulation resulting from the ingestion of too many chocolate sandwich cookies.

Steve Buchheit said...

Sheila, yes. I've been giggling over this for a few days.

I think John Scalzi also hit it in his essay about being poor. Being poor means hoping the tooth ache goes away.