What if Kurzweil doesn't make it?
What if all the switches get stuck on destroy?
When the shuttle goes, we won't take it
When the final counter-measures are deployed
All we'll have is all this time

Monday, December 13, 2010

Commercials These Days - the Curmudgeon is Curmudgeonly

There's this Heineken commercial which shows an event with dancing (probably a wedding). The player gets two Heineken from the bar and goes to ask hot chick to dance. On way to table he sees another player strike out. There's a moment of being shaken, then he develops a plan and moves in, gives the girl the Heineken, and then asks the older lady sitting next to the hot girl (presumably the mother) to dance, while eyeing the hot chick he dances with the mother. Hot chick then gives the eyes down, head lowered, "he's so cute look, I'll give in," movement.

Instead my brain says, "Aw, he so cute working my mother to get to me." Yeah, that's the kind of guy you want to date.

Then there's the new Ketel One Vodka ads. The one with the hunt club (guys who go to bars to pick up chicks, but often then leave together recounting how they could have had the hot chick, if they wanted to) that's standing outside the club in the rain and then hail a cab, only to have the cab taken by two hot chicks. Three guys, two hot chicks. But it doesn't matter because the guys let the hot chicks have the cab and then give each other a "well, we scored points with that." Yes, you scored points with the hot chicks you'll never see again, oh, and who probably didn't realize you gave up the cab for them.

Tag line? "Ketel One Vodka, for guys too dumb to get out of the rain while waiting for a cab."

The ubiquitous "buy a car as a present" commercials. Really? Ah, the gift that keeps sucking your wallet dry. It's a wonderful gift with a 60 month recurring bill. Also add in to this the "get a cell phone for the holidays." Uh, yeah. Gee, thanks. Glad you got me the $50 a month data plan and four year contract. I don't know what to say.

And then there's the "Santa Sells Everything" ads. Gee, I'm glad there's a War of Christmas, because if I saw one more commercial that has Christmas Lights, Santa, etc I think I'd have an overdose of saccharine cookies and egg nog. Hell, even the TCM set where Robert Osborne gives us the low-down on the movie (actually, I really like that) has wreathes with candles.

And then, because you can believe everything you read on billboards, the Rapture is coming March 21, 2011. Damn, I won't have my book done by then. I wonder if I can a money back guarantee on that? Another candidate in the long line of Millerites.

And thinking about billboards, remember how we were going to see the GW Bush, "Miss Me Yet" billboards all over? Yeah, I haven't seen any either. I guess we don't miss him at all.

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