After not writing anything last night (after doing all that outside I was beat, but I did read before going to sleep) I got to work on the rewrite. Chapter Three (formerly Chapter Two) had been 1130 words. It now weighs in at 1695, a gain of 565 words. Pretty hefty load, but I did a bunch more world building, introduced Baron in person, did a better job of explaining things, added in some things about Gary. I'm pretty happy with it. I didn't delete much this time, and only rewrote about a fourth of what was already there. The majority of words came from new material.
So in total, Chapters 1-3 are now at 5115 words. Chapter Four is currently at 2790 words, so I have a feeling my submission to Viable Paradise will be Chapters 1-4.
Your random sample comes from the first paragraph.
"I woke up a few hours later with an IV in my arm and an Iowa-sized throbbing in my head."
7 comments:
"Iowa sized".
Now that's precision. I mean, it's big, but not like Texas or Montana or Alaska or Siberia big. Gives you a sense of hope. (grin)
Dr. Phil
Dr. Phil beat me to it. Was going to say I liked the precision of an Iowa-sized throbbing.
Thanks guys, in the whole chapter, that was the line that took me the longest. I kept going back to it to change it out.
Just out of curiosity, what was it about the line you kept changing, the state reference? What states were in the running for this spectacular head pain?
Gabriel, it was the part describing the headache. I had the first half of the sentence already, but I needed to describe that he wasn't doing well. I tried sounds, like "a freight train horn going off in his head", or a ship horn, but I thought that might confuse the reader as to where he was. I also thought about using a tequila demons jackhammering line, but that's more about drinking then combat.
I am curious about your novel. Is it fantasy?
Jarrett, yes, it is a near-future/alternate timeline, urban fantasy told in a noir voice.
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