I can't wait until my term is up and I no longer have to deal with this crap. I want my life back, I'm tired of getting to the point of being healthy and in a good spot only to have stupid stuff rip the carpet out from under me. And unlike the table cloth trick, it send me tumbling and into a dark place.
I want to write. I need to write. I've put my writing self on slow just one year less than when I decided I needed to be serious about it. In that time I've watched the majority of writers at my same level progress significantly in their craft and careers (or drop out). While I kept hitting those mental road blocks that suck the life out of me.
It isn't writer's block. It a sucking of mental energy. A big vortex of suckatude that drags me under and saps my resources. It fills my brain with other thoughts and knocks my focus off the target.
I'm so tired of it. And tonight is another example. I was already, it was going to be a good meeting. I've been rewriting the novel and picking up pace. There's two short story ideas I was working through. And then because of other people's disfunction that I'm forced to deal with, I get thrown back in the tar pit.
I thought I could last out the remaining five months. I don't know now. With the day job that is more stressful, and this crap, I'm tired of being not myself. I've gone beyond doing my bit for king and country. Hell, I was beyond it 9 years ago. I don't know if I should fill out my term. Now at least another month is going to be sucked away as well as a piece of my soul.
The price that is being asked of me is to high.
4 comments:
If you ever need to vent in private, Steve, send me an email.
Dr. Phil
Five months is a long time to have the life (and writing time) sucked out of you.
Stress is bad for your health -- both mentally and physically -- and your position is keeping you from pursuing one of your dreams.
I know that you are a responsible person and a dedicated public servant. But no one expects public officials to continue in their positions if their health is at risk. Please give serious consideration to tendering a resignation. By doing so, you would not only improve your health and your writing ability -- you also would give someone else the opportunity to step up and serve in your place.
I agree with the above comment: five months is a long time.
Good luck.
Thanks for the offer, Dr. Phil.
Sheila, that's also part of it. I'm tired of being sick and bedraggled because of it.
Elizabeth, thanks. Yeah, I think I have a plan in place.
The good this is this morning I got a good piece of news. So I think I'll get done what we needed to get done last night next Tuesday night with a minimum of fuss.
I'll still write up my letters and have them ready.
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