Watching the Ten Commandments

So, Saturday night the broadcast system rolled out it's hoary staple of Easter to flog that horse again. Of course I'm talking about "The Ten Commandments", the gem in Cecil B. Demille's Bible Epic phase. Unfortunately for the broadcaster and my wife, I had spent the day slaving in the snark mines and had an overfull bucket of the stuff. So here is my twitter feed from that night, without context. There was a big portion in the middle of the film that I had to study for a test coming up this Wednesday, so there's a big hole in the middle. Sorry about that.

How much has conservatism changed? Nobody asked Moses for his birth certificate.

Moses had it good, until displayed compassion. They labeled him EINO (EgyptionInNameOnly) & cast him into the desert

Oh sure, there was a whisper campaign that nearly brought him down. He had to prove devotion by conspicuous actions.

And now playing the role of Shadout Mapes, Memnet.

Wow, Moses was the secret Kenyan Socialist sleeper candidate. Now I expect they will ask for the birth certificate.

And so begins the attempted coverup.

Wow, Moses saved his own mother from crushing before he knew who she was. It's like a BC time travel paradox.

And now Moses recognizes his own white-male privilege, and goes native. But first tries to up the status of slaves.

And having realized her son is the Kwisatz Haderach, Jochebed fails to change the water of life and dies.

Or, at least, that's how it would have been written today.

"… down into the never ending valley of toil and agony…" Moses has his college experience, finally.

Only chance to leave the drudgery & death in the mud pits is to be selected by 1 of the 1% because they want a toy.

Although Vincent Price did his best Newt Gingrich impression, and paid the price.

And now Ramseys employes the first opposition research council chairman.

Cecil could only have been less subtle had he put a giant sign, "God Answers Prayers and Fulfills Prophecies".

Moses does Jacob Marley with Seti, "You do not know the weight & length of the strong chain you bear yourself! "

And here is where I went to study, and came back in right at the Exodus out of Egypt.

Is this the point where we get the chariot race from Ben Hur?

And nobody notices the ominous clouds building in the clear blue sky. Not very observant these people.

Parting the Red Sea, suck on that EG Robinson.

And now a scene which inspired countless aquariums.

Lets pick up the pace, bearers of Joshua's bones. Increase the tempo.

General Akbar calling pharaoh, "It's a trap!"

Neffertiti, "So, how was the day at the office?"

So when all hope is lost in the desert, and the leader goes on holiday, it's obviously time to party.

And so Aaron made the Bull statue that's now on Wall Street.

40 days and 40 nights on the mountain, only to bring back 10 commandments, God is a slow writer, or a committee.

"The tablets? His 10 Commandments… the addendums would follow later, they're still at the printers."

And now God does his Indiana Jones on the island act.

Wait, I thought you would only get Heston's staff when you pried it from his cold dead hands… oh wait.

Now after 40 years, Moses unveils the addendum with it's couple thousand laws. That's a slow printer.

Now the Hebrews enjoy their freedom by crossing the river Jordan. Until Babylon comes along and enslaves them again.