There's lots going on in the private life, but about 99% of it the same old boring, "work-school-sleep" that it's not worth mentioning or writing about.
Last week, though, I was week and had some regular Coke for lunch. At work we have a big project so they're providing lunch most days (we'll see if that continues this week as well, I'd guess not), and while I've been over eating (stress eater, hi, that's me) I've been able to avoid most of the bad things (when I can). But on Wednesday I succumbed and poured a cup of Coke. Man I miss that rush. My brain felt more awake and hitting on all cylinders than it has for almost two years now. And I admit, I had another cup (they were small plastic cups). And then another on Friday (Thursdays I'm at the hospital doing clinical, where strangely enough, I don't overeat or feel the need to get caffeinated all the time). Hopefully with the weekend I can break out of that cycle. But I miss that feeling. I remember why I used to do a lot more writing and experimental writing when I was drinking pop regularly.
Clinicals have ground to a halt. That is logging in several comps a day has stopped. For the CT licensure we need 125 comps from certain categories (types of studies). I have about 70 or so. This is a little different than X-ray school. So I'm hitting up against several problems. One, I think the people I work with believe I'm much farther along than I am because they treat me like, "Oh, you know how to do this, just do it", we've also been very busy so there hasn't been time for me to ask questions and say "I want to do this" when the exams are complicated. Take my attempt at doing PEs (pulmonary embolism study). Now, I've done about 20 of these (and they're a little tricky). But the basic thing is you take a scanogram (planogram, scout, whatever they want to call it) and then set up the study including the locator/tracker on the pulmonary artery. It's easy to find, just set the tracker line at the carina (where your bronchus divides to fill the left and right lungs, it's mostly easy to see). That's where the pulmonary artery rises from your right ventricle, travels over the heart and divides into the left and right branch. It looks like a very thick, upside-down Y. Except the first two patients I said, "I want to comp this" had abnormal anatomy. One's pulmonary artery was about 2" down from the carina (needing 2 extra scans for me to find) and the other's pulmonary artery branched almost right above the pulmonary valve and took strange courses to the lungs. Sigh. The third patient? The ER didn't secure the connector to his IV catheter correctly and we blew contrast and saline all over the place ("fortunately" not enough made it into the veins of the patient that we could try again). So, yea, no PE comps for me, yet. We also don't see many extremities and one of our radiologists is very particular on how he wants the multiplanar reconstructions made. But I think I have that down now that I had a little practice over the weekend. I really don't want to have to continue clinicals into the Fall, but that might be necessary. Sigh.
And then there's the not having time for anything else problem. This is really starting to tick me off. The only benefit is I no longer panic when my RSS feed is over 600 articles. But that also means I'm not able to bring you all some good content I know is out there, but I just never get to it. And I know I'm in big-D again. There isn't much mental time to crawl out of it either. So I hobble along the best I can, showing a different face to the world (at least at the day thing and clinicals). I remember having a life at one point. I really wish I could get back to having one. And now "Follow the Yellow Brick Road" is playing in my head. Thanks, Brain. Gee, do you think the Wizard will give me Prozac?
And it was Fathers' Day. I made the mistake of looking at Facebook today. I remember with Mothers' Day several people mentioned that not all mothers were the most loving, but apparently most people don't know that not all dads were the best either. Thanks to all the people who made up for it, especially my grandfather. He taught me what it meant to be a man and I miss him terribly.
4 comments:
I cut out Coke in the hospital two years ago. I reserve it only for going out to dinner and long distance driving -- the hour and a half to the office doesn't count.
Yeah, I miss it. At least forty years of heavy Coke drinking, 1973-2013, back from when I moved into the South. But, if you cut out the day-to-day habit, it can be conquered. (grin) Especially when you are weak, in the hospital and lose a hundred pounds... (Doubke-grin)
But, as an occasional wallop of caffeine, it might be more effective than doing the continuous Coke IV drip.
Hang in there, Steve.
Dr. Phil
Thanks, Dr. Phil. My poison of choice was Dr. Pepper (one of the ways to tell where a computer programmer went to school is their choice of pop). It was about 8 years ago that I felt my body change and I knew I couldn't drink it anymore (that was also when I was diagnosed with insulin resistance). The pounds dropped quickly when I switched to tea (and now to green tea, which I feel better when I drink it, unlike black tea which gives me the blahs). I have purchased the Dr. Pepper with real sugar (when they were selling it, ordering it through the one shop in Texas is too rich for my blood), but now have some of the Pepsi with real sugar. I like how I feel with that better (although I drink maybe one or two a month depending if I'm working till midnight at the hospital, or as a treat after working in the yard). So I haven't had the high-fructose versions for a long time. And I could really tell the difference.
But now I normally down about 6-8 cups of green tea a day for my caffeine kick (although I might have to stop that as well).
Beaming good thoughts your way, Steve. Sort of like Sheldon trying to explode Leonard's brain, but with less grey matter and malice.
Hang in there - you're not alone. <3
Thank Janiece, everything helps.
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