The week starts early tomorrow...

... so it's off to bed. I got through the entire story, adding in and making the small edits. We're at 4768 words, and there's one piece I just left at notes (explain how Jedd had to kill to get body). That might add 20 or so words.

I need to edit it back down, and rewrite for clarity in some places. I think I need to delete some, but I'm figuring I'll end up at 4250-4500 words. A little longer than when I started and what I wanted, but it does make a stronger tale (although my opener isn't as strong anymore, but I solved for POV).

Time for bed.

It Must Be a Picture Weekend

About to start on the fourth rewrite of A History of Lightning. Actually, I'm about to start the keying in part, I've already completed the "combining all the suggestions from the critique group" and the "put in all the notes you have on scraps of paper" part. And as a demonstration of such an event, here is the first page of edits.


Again, this is the fourth round of edits. So you thought it would get easier did you? Ha, I say. Ha.

Okay, to be fair, this is just the first page so it holds some of the general comments I have to keep in mind for the overall rewrites/edits. That's most of the red marks up top. And one of the comments that most people agreed with was I didn't make the POV clear in the first paragraph, so that explains most of the marks there. The other pages have less red. No, really they do. Right now it stands at 4009 words.

Cause I'm being followed by a moonshadow

When I purchased my new digital camera I wanted to be able to take low light pictures, mostly for one major purpose. To be able to photograph the moon shadows we get in our back yard. What I'd really like in a digital camera is both a full manual setting, aperture settings of at least f64, manual focus, focal depth, and a "bulb" exposure setting (here I'm thinking only a Digital SLR will work, but even those don't fit the bill, really, until you get to buying a digital back for a standard camera, there's not much out there, and that rig starts at the $1000 level). So I went Nikon, which was the closest. It doesn't have enough capability to capture the summer dappled moon shadows, but I had hopes for snow. As you know, Bob, last night was the full moon, and as I am of a certain age, I was up at five am.

This is what it looked like out my bedroom window.

Well, it's more light in my eyes. Which is why I want to be able to hit bulb and allow the image to build on the CCD just like I've done with film.

And here is the culprit of the scene.

Yeah, sometimes I just look outside for a few minutes before trying to get back to sleep.

Even stop lights blink a bright red and green

Well, it's the holidays and you know what that means, blowing the budget on the electrical bill. Yes, when I turn on my outside lights, the other lights in the house dim. Good friend Sheila wanted pictures, so here they are.

We'll start with the inside.

For every holiday with lights, I have a great mailbox that just begs to be wrapped up.

And, of course, you need to make the gateway into the house welcoming.

And when lighting you should consider all angles, like your own view from the house (in the back you can see some of my neighbors inflatables).

And here are my inflatables. May I introduce the next heartwarming holiday special, Frosty and his two drunken little brothers.

And an "all together picture" to take us out. As you can see, my heard of deer has grown.

Five Not-So Random Link Post

(Cross posted on Genre Bender)

Justine Larbalestier has a few things to say on the need to prefect your craft. I'll reiterate here a comment I made there, in every thing you try in life you'll eventually reach a point where it becomes hard. What you do at that point determines what you really love, and what should just be a hobby. For, that point concerning writing came eight years ago. It was at that point I figured "If I'm going to do this writing thing, I need to really work at it." I could have kept at the same level I was, I enjoyed telling myself and my friends the little stories. But if I hadn't made that determination to "go beyond" and start putting more energy and start sacrificing other things, I wouldn't be close to being published now.

K. Tempest Bradford is guest blogging over at Jeff VanderMeer's Ecstatic Days and she has some words for genre fiction writers who maybe thinking about including rape, sexual retrograde mores, being ironic about the same, and how being a feminist does not automatically make your writing feminist. On her own blog she's gone off on many things that (IMHO) don't deserve the attention her vehemence brings, however she's spot on with this criticisms.

Diana Peterfreund talk about bad and good books and some writerly response. You need to read.

Matt Jarpe links back to his 5 Writing Lessons he wished he'd learn the easy way. We all feel that pain, Matt. We all do.

Dave Klecha clues us in on making advice too cliche-ish instead of helpful. And yeah, a lot of advice comes into this realm. He also reminds us, that not all advice works for everybody.

Goes far, flies near, to the stars away from here

(greped from Jay Lake's link salad)

Okay, here's a Science Fictional concept, the spaceship is the engine. I'll let you read the whole thing (if you're interested in such things) and except to say, now that is a concept. Of course, at least for me, we're still talking generational arks here (proposed speed would be on the order of 0.1C, so even a short trip to a nearby star would take centuries) as I don't believe in some of the outside "human life expansion" theories (which, IMHO, are based on the mistaken cultural belief than humans are not animals).

Now, there are other ideas for starship propulsion that have greater capacity for speed, although their energy requirements are astronomically high (as they involve the manipulation of space density). This idea, on the other hand, use technology that is within actual near time reach (like within 50 years, except for the human life extension stuff, which, like I said, I don't think will really ever happen).

In the eyes of the Confessor, there's no place you can hide

So I need to come clean about something. It isn't a good thing, but it's something I think I need to say. I've been a bad boy.

Other than working a crazy (returned to last year's level) amount of overtime (but probably only for this week), there a whole parcel of other things happening with the day thing. As you may be aware, Bob, the economy sucks rocks. Or in the immortal words of Colonel Sandurz in Spaceballs, "She's gone from suck to blow." There's some newer tech that'll be installed in the next week which may siphon some of my work away (at least until they realize that the myths they've told themselves aren't true, but who know what direction it may take after that).

Printing and design are like canaries in the coal mine. We're usually the first to drop over as the economic air turns acerbic. It's been a little strange, and we've been slow at times, but so far no layoffs. However, I was getting a little anxious as we approached the end of the year. Good thing for us is there's still work coming in and (even though I jump on them at times) the sales team has been bringing in new clients.

Then we have one person retiring at the end of the month. So there's a staff reduction by volunteerism. And now we hear that another coworker needs to take extended leave to deal with a family issue. This really sucks, and I hope they're able to make it through it. I have some personal history with the issue, and it's not going to be a fun time and I feel very bad they have to go through this. It's a rough thing to go through, and I'm not sure I'd be able to make it if it were me.

There was a little part of me, though, that felt relieved. One more volunteer (although this employee will come back at some point), and I felt a little easier about work. And as I felt that unclenching release of "maybe I will have a job through the next year, and we'll make it through this downturn," I realized just how horrible that feeling was. Survivor's guilt is what they call it.

A bad economy, it brings out the best and worse in people. There's a movie quote, and I can't quite pull it out of memory, but I think it's Scotty from Star Trek that says something like, "Aye, and what a bastardly lot it makes us." Exactly how I feel at the moment.

Republicans Come Clean

Well, if you've been following the bail-out talks, the Republican Senators are no longer caring to hide their true intent. They want to use this bad economy to bust the union. Some of them still couch their language in terms of "making the companies competitive" but in the next sentence they talk about having the bankruptcy judge force changes in the contracts (that were just signed last year).

That's right, the party that cried to high heaven about allowing judges to change "private contracts" when it concerned your home mortgage on the grounds that "the judges shouldn't have the power to change contracts" are more than happy to have those judge change your work contract.

This is the very definition of hypocrisy. And for anybody wanting to cheer this morally bankrupt party on because "they want to stick it to the unions," I'll just remind you that this is the same party that had no compunction about giving money to the banks with no oversite. If you are not management or an owner of the business, the republican party is not concerned about you. In fact, with this argument, they're giving you the finger. If you work for a living, they want to put you as low on the ladder as they can.

Their unadulterated contempt and hatred for those people who actually make things is startling. I've posted before about how the majority of their arguments are baseless (Toyota paid their line workers more than the big three last year for example). That by forcing the companies to default on their pensions will throw those pensioners to a government run organization (that is underfunded now). Those same pensioners would also be forced onto the Medicare rolls. By breaking the union, they increase government size and control of people's lives (something that they say is an anathema, but only for the rich, gotta keep government hands off the rich peoples' money) and will result in increased payroll taxes (to pay for the increase in Medicare and to keep the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation solvent while paying reduced benefits). All things they say they're against.

This is exactly the same kind of management philosophy that led us to the precipice and spawned the formation of unions back in the late 1800s. But they don't care, as long as they keep you down.

You say goodbye, but I say hello

(Originally posted on Genre Bender)

Joining a professional writers group has been the best thing I’ve done for my writing career to date. I’ve learned more about writing fiction participating in critiques than I have any other way. And I’ve learned the most from watching others critique others. (For more on critiquing and maybe a place to get started, The Online Writing Workshop and Critters)

I know that there’s this “thing” out there where writers are supposed to be fragile egos. Well, I went through art school, that builds up a thick skin. Calluses from the friction of critique ever single day. However, the critique is about the work, not about the person. And getting criticism from people you know, people you can ask for follow up, and from people who know how to tell a story is about the best thing you can do as a young writer.

But I’m going to touch on one subject in regards to critique workshops or groups. What do you do with conflicting critiques? (edit: Last month's meeting of the) writers group I belong to went over my latest story A History of Lightning and there were many points that the critiquers agreed on (end doesn’t have enough tension, I should forecast some things earlier, I wasn’t being true to my POV character at the end), but there were plenty where they split on advice. When everybody (or at least a clear majority) agrees that you should fix something, you really should fix it.

In case of tie, decision goes to the author. However, that doesn’t mean you should just go with your original. It means you need to think it over if you should change it or not.

My title, about as many people liked it as didn’t like it. I personally suck at short story titles and was hoping for some direction here. I’ll wait to see the handwritten notes before I decide this one. I think it’s evocative, but not really resonate with the story (it was a good working title, though).

An equal number of people felt having all the characters having on syllable names and that the two main characters are known as Ben and Jed just served to confuse the reader. Just as many felt it was perfectly fine. I think I’ll refrain from naming the bartender (he doesn’t need one here), and I’ll rename some of the other characters, but I’ll keep Ben and Jed (short for Benjamin and Jeddediah).

They split on my language usage, some calling it too “purple prosy.” One person had a distinct disfavor for my use of gerunds (although I think it was the participles and prepositional phrases). Here I’m going to keep the language poetic (that’s my style), but I’ll try and eliminate some of the gerunds (which I should anyway) any participles that dangle. General note here, gerunds often denote simultaneous action when it rarely is simultaneous.

I guess I also didn’t catch all the similes and all the typos. Some tortured sentence structure continues to cause mischief (and the worst one, that I rewrote every time I went through the story) I may just cut the idea out.

So, there you have it. Just because the tie goes to you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do something about it. The good thing for me is most people said they enjoyed the story. One person complained about the Frankenstein reference, but more people liked it, and I think it’s critical to the story, so I’m pumping that up.

Tora, tora, Xmas

I took Sunday off to remember the Seventh of December in my own way. Which means I tried desperately to catch up with all the work at home.

I finished relamping a white-wire deer outdoor decoration. Last year we relamped the nine-foot Xmas tree. The year before I relamped some garland we had.

Why do I do this. Every time I swear I'll never do it again. And then something breaks and I have to fix it, or I try to save a little money, and I'm right back stubbing my fingers, bending my back in painful ways, and generally getting all grumpy.

But the deer is relamped and back out on the lawn. I moved it and two others to the side lawn as we kept throwing the breaker (and I replaced more incandescent strings with LEDs). When buying a house, pay attention to the electrical (also, run hot water through the taps for at least two minutes). Out front outdoor plugs are on the same circuit at our living/dinning room. Need to hire the nephew to put it on it's own breaker.

Put out less lights? What, are you crazy? (to be fair, I'm no where near those guys I remember from my youth that we would go see, or those people the local news do segments on, the ones that negotiate a special rate from the electrical companies) My neighbor and I are the big attraction on the street. People slow down as they drive by to take it all in. Of course, then they slow down and I look out because "the car is slowing down in front of our house what are they up to." Yeah, sometimes the paranoia can be a little much.

Finished up some business stuff, designed a new notepad for a client, set up getting printing quotes. And helped wrap packages. Busy boy.

Also, I wanted to let you all know I'm super-crazy busy at work for the next two days (at least). After sitting around plaguing you all with posts and comments, we're busy again (it's nice to be busy). I've got three books (benefits, contracts, etc, not fiction books, and nothing I wrote) to lay out. And the client went all explody with the different bullet points (kinds and levels, the most I've run into so far is five levels down of bullets; section, bullet, a) level, #) level, and A) level). So last Friday I was down to Zero posts to read, when I left tonight it was up to 200. You all are busy. Plus tomorrow is meeting night.

Language Choice, Verisimilitude, and Readability, or Forward into the Past

(Originally posted over on Genre Benders on November 19)

On this 145th anniversary of the Gettysburg Address I think we should discuss the use of language. Most school children in the US are (or were) required to memorize Lincoln’s memorial words to dedicate the Union Cemetery at Gettysburg. “History will little note or remember” my arse. But when was the last time you’ve ever heard anybody speak or write like that. The supportive clauses, the language, all of it. Nobody does that. And at the time the Address was criticized for its baseness, its commonality (not to mention its brevity). This is close to how people actually spoke then. If someone were to give such a speech now, with all those comma spliced clauses, they’d be laughed at or at the very least thought to be way too pretentious to pay attention to.

When King James I sat his clerks and scribes down in 1604 Hampton Court Conference to make a new English translation of the Bible, he instructed them, among other things, to use archaic language structures. The KJV was meant not so much to supplant the Bishop’s Bible as it was to correct some misbegotten Puritanical values that crept into that version, so it needed to impart by the language used an established weight and authority of history and precedent. That is, it was meant to zoom the parishioners of the Church of England into believing its translation over others because it sounded older. Nifty trick if you can pull it off, which he did.

Obviously some of the translation had to be “modern” (to the 17th Century) or most of the people being preached to would be lost in those archaic structures and words. In modern times we tend to perceive a wall behind which exist the Shakespeares, Chaucers, Venerable Bede’s and whomever originally wrote down the epic of Beowulf, and that they’re all alike. But each shows how much English as a written language has changed.

Strangely enough, H.P. Lovecraft did the same thing. Writing in the early 20th Century he specifically and with intent wrote using structures not common since the late 19th Century. When I first started reading him I classified his writing as late Victorian Romance, which was Lovecraft’s intent. Through his choice of language structure and words, we meant to evoke that weight and feel of a past time, even though what he was writing about (a Godless world ruled by fear and science) wouldn’t have been acceptable to the general populace of that earlier time. He also encourage those writing works in his world to also write using those constructs. All in an attempt to transport the reader to a poorly remembered past and invoke nostalgia and importance in his stories. And again, he couldn’t do it completely (even though it had only been 50-20 years) because of how far the English language had evolved. He had to include contemporary words and concepts so his readers wouldn’t be completely lost.

Susanna Clarke revised this in Johnathan Strange & Mr. Norrell and some of her other stories. She intentionally chose victorian romance (read as contemporary fiction of the Victorian Era) structures to evoke a mood and nostalgia in her readers. Her story actually takes place in an earlier era (an alternative England under George III and a Napolian Europe ). So not only did she have to update some of the word choices and structures, she is using a language construct that was contemporary at least 50 years after her story’s time period. But it works, doesn’t it? At least to our ears and eyes.

Can it work for you? I’m not so sure. There are strong currents in both SF and Fantasy circles to make the works more accessible, which means using current structures and word choices. Plus, in Fantasy at least, you risk being labeled as following Susanna Clarke or being to close to Tolkien unless you update the language. For SF there is the revival of Space Opera which has seen a (slight) nod to 70s sensibilities, but the genre has moved quickly beyond that (IMHO). But if you do try it, it doesn’t hurt to know the history of those who have travelled that road before to see how they updated the usages to make their stories work for their audiences.

Blame Canada

Some of the leaders and pundits of your movement have been starting the side argument about how this economic downturn has its roots in "policies that are decades or more old." Stop it, or I'll point out President Bush took full credit for the surging economy in the past and slap you all around with it.

It's been eight years. The "Blame Clinton" mantra is too old. Only the brain dead politic wonks accept it. The horse is dead, stop beating it.

On the other hand continue to deny any blame, continue in the bubble you've created for yourselves, and watch your movement die out. Seriously. You've been so used to playing with loaded dice that when the game changes, you don't realize those dice are a liability.