I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
And so the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're goin' through

Friday, January 2, 2009

Rewriterly Rewriting Revision

Okay, time for bed. I've made it through the opening frame, 1246 words (1121 words in the old draft). I'll see if I can cut a little more. Total word count, though, it at 4992, only one word less than the last draft. I haven't touched the closing frame yet. There's a few words I want to put in there, to flesh out the world they live in. So, I'll cut some and add some tomorrow, or later.
Mind dumped by at
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