What a field day for the heat
A thousand people in the street
Singing songs and carrying signs
Mostly saying, "hooray for our side"

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Today's Humor in the Mail

My employer sometimes sends helpful healthcare information to my home. We belong to an insurance pool, and the thing about the pool is that you have to have a Health Program (or Health Fairs) to obtain the discounts. So, basically, you don't provide any health information to your employer (which can be illegal and opens them to discrimination suits) or to your insurer (which they're blocked by health privacy laws from getting, but then they all have to take your history so they can define your premium, yeah, it's kinda strange), but to the third-party who then determines your risk and possibility of bringing the group down. Also the group can suggest health "improvements" that if your employer or insurer tried would be grounds for a suit.

Well the theme of this mail was "Tips to Reduce Stress." Laugh. Riot.

There was a flyer from the Mayo Clinic included called Time Management: Tips to Reduce Stress.

Cry havok! And let slip the snark.

  • Plan each day. My day I do plan. And then I am deluged by Rush, Hot Rush, Super Hot Rush and EMERGENCY work. All of which have nothing to do with my planning but the client's lack of planning or a sales person's promise.

  • Prioritize your tasks.See above. My priorities are set by three levels of bosses, 8 sales people and 5 CSRs. Any of of which could walk into my cubicle and try to impose their priorities on me.

  • Say no to nonessential tasks. Yeah, right. I'm sorry, has the author of this list worked in the Modern Workplace? Say, since the early 90s?

  • Take the time you need to do a quality job. We have a saying, "There will always be time to do it right the second time around."

  • Break large, time-consuming tasks into smaller tasks. Again, we joked today when a part of a job was labeled "Rush" that obviously they didn't need it so fast because it was just a "Rush."

  • Practice the 10-minute rule. You're not listening to me, are you? Okay, today I had to typeset a book, make edits to business cards (four different sets), insert a photo into a brochure, answer emails, correct some database entries, etc. My jobs are broken up into 10 minute spots because I can't concentrate on one job long enough.

  • Evaluate how you're spending your time. I have time for that?

  • Limit distractions. Let's see, no door, people who have to use the phone for their work, any on of the 14 above mentioned people could pop-over at any time, yeah, how do you do that?

  • Get plenty of sleep, have a healthy diet and exercise regularly. Hahahahaha.

  • Take a time management course. I have time to take a course? When?

  • Take a break when needed. Again, the author of this list never had a real job in their life. I get to take a break when I go to the bathroom. Now I do have a half hour lunch, but I have to take that between noon and one.

It must be nice to have the advisor's job.


Rick said...

The author of that email must have lots of time on his or her hands to write that crap.

Dr. Phil (Physics) said...

Cut the author some slack. It was the best he could do, because it was a Super Rush job dumped on him by his fourth supervisor five minutes before he had to rush home and pick up the kick from practice or his wife would divorce him. Again.

Yeah, he's drunk tonight. Again.

Dr. Phil

Elizabeth said...

Heh. I bet the author of that email was making snarky comments while writing it.

Steve Buchheit said...

Rick, I think they've been working to hard at the Platitude Mines.

Dr. Phil, you know, you're probably right.

Elizabeth, if they were they were able to keep any hint of snarkiness from interrupting their sincerity. Or, the snark was edited out in committee.

Rick said...

The platitude mines? I love that concept!!

sheila, who is not lurking today, said...

Why don't they suggest something that actually helps allieviate stress, like the 4-7-8 breath?(Exercise 2 if you follow this link):


Breathing is something you can control to a certain extent. Keeping idiots from piling work in our inboxes or imposing deadlines on us is something that most of us cannot control.

Would that we all had moats around our workspaces. Mine would have a bridge guarded by a scary-looking guy with a sharp sword and a tee-shirt with a smiley face and a quote: "You want it when?"

Steve Buchheit said...

Rick, thanks, I'm especially happy with that one.

Sheila, breathing exercises are actually good tips. And I think they didn't recommend it because their tips work into the "empowered workplace," which, frankly, I have never seen implemented well (although it's what I've tried to do with the chairmanships, and out of four sub-managers, it's worked well with three, the last one I'm going to need to do serious work with).