Also, I didn't like how the chapter was ending, it felt a little too facile. So I rearranged a few words of dialog and made it much punchier. Those words aren't in the part below (but occur right after, sorry, I want to hold that back as a gift for the book), but I'm still pretty proud of this part.
"This is getting redundant meeting you here," I said.
She smiled at me in the way lions smile at gazelles. "I wanted to thank you for getting me away from Xeing."
Her eyes were inticing. I could fall into them for hours and she happy consumed me. Fortunately for me I'd been down this path a few times before. "Knowing you're safe if all the reward I need," I said, trying not to lie too much.
She pressed forward, making the closet feel smaller. I backed up to the wall, found a desk behind me and sat down on its top. The scent of her washed through my senses and overwhelmed them. It had been a long time since I had layed with a woman. "But I think you deserve more," she said in a soft voice.
Think of mating preying mantises and you get a little of what is really happening in the scene.
So, to round up, happy with the chapter, pissed I got the math wrong (again), in good shape heading into the final part of the book. I know a lot of what happens. The major action scene I had already started writing as a second short story, but I'll be retying it from scratch as there's enough difference. That came through in the fragmented pieces I did last weekend.
No comments:
Post a Comment