And they come with no warning,
nature loves her little surprises.
Continual crisis!

Friday, September 28, 2007

A Dark Wind Blows

Funk. I'm in a definate funk. Margle.

Frustration mixed with powerlessness mixed with things going wrong mixed with tiredness. Not a good cocktail.

I get this way sometimes. It'll pass, I know. I just need to keep from being a dick until that happens. Lots of misunderstandings and differences of perspective (such as I'm usually thinking three steps out than most people I work with, and I get even more frustrated when they can't break out of dealing with the mess right in front and correct the environment that caused the mess in the first place) can happen. Patience is my watch word.

There's also this nervous energy behind it all. Which doesn't help.

Mostly I feel tired, which is worrisome. Tiredness is one of the major way depression manifests in men. I was depressed long enough at my former job to know the feeling (my last boss was literally driving me insane). I can recognize now that there was a slow burn to get here. The sugar head-ache (like a hair-band across the top of my head) I've been nursing for a week and a half is now joined by a frontal lobed head-ache (another sign). I haven't done any writing lately. My schedule is overbooked until World Fantasy in November.

And I'm thinking about presidential and national politics, which never helps.

I know this will pass. Hopefully I can kick it this weekend. I don't like this feeling and being this way. It doesn't help with anything at all.

There has been some discussion about what topics people blog about lately. I thought I really shouldn't share this until I remembered hearing a radio show talking about depression in men and how men display depression differently (strangely enough medical practices and methodologies are based on men and how men display and react, psychological practices are based on women). While I listened to this show, as I was at my former job, I ticked off the list they presented while saying,
"Yep, got that." Depression is natural, a part of being alive. Being depressed for years (like in my last job) isn't. Fortuantely I have a new job and that has helped greatly.

2 comments:

Camille Alexa said...

Feel better, Steve. It is always hard to remember that elusive feeling of well-being when one is in a low cycle. But as you say, it does swing back. Take care of yourself.

ThatGreenyFlower said...

I am a firm and devoted believer in the power of pharmaceuticals when it comes to curing the funk. I myself am still taking drugs to get over the unbelievable depression I was in after my previous job...which I quit 2 years ago. Urk. At least you know you're in a temporary lull.

It is difficult to be going through the internal stuff when your external surroundings are deranged (so to speak), especially. The things that usually ground you merely add to your stress under such circumstances. I plan to spend my little 3-day-weekend-vacation finishing up projects that I started months or weeks or days ago, which should help me feel more settled Monday morning than I did on Thursday afternoon.

Hang in there, dude. Just think--Halloween is coming, which means all kinds of ghoulish yard decorations. Something to look forward to!