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On the side of a hill in the deep forest green, tracing a sparrow on snow-crested ground,
blankets and bedclothes the child of the mountain sleeps unaware of the clarion call.
On the side of a hill, a sprinkling of leaves washes the grave with silvery tears,
a soldier cleans and polishes a gun.
War bellows, blazing in scarlet battalions, generals order their soldiers to kill
and to fight for a cause they've long ago forgotten

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Lightning strikes again

Just finished the first full run through. Changed a character's name. Can't believe I missed so much before.

We're at 4521 words. Down another 158. Still more to go, but I'm not sure I'm going to make 4250. Maybe 4400 the next time. There are some darlings that I could cut, but they really do help set place and mood. I'm not saying this because they're my darlings, I'm going from comments during the critique.

Very tired. Go up before o'dark thirty this morning to drop things off before thinking I had a long commute to work because of weather. This morning wasn't so bad, so I was into work early. But eyes are droopy and I'm writing run-on sentences so I better sign off and get to bed before my head explodes.

2 comments:

Stewart Sternberg said...

Yeah? Let me edit the sucker. I'll cut till you cry and still keep its integrity. I'm a moil with a pen. For the uninitiated, a moil is the person who snips the foreskin during circumcision. Hey!!! Hey...settle down. No one said writing was pretty.

Steve Buchheit said...

Hey hey hey. Don't you be going anywhere near that part of my story with those scissors, buddy. Not until I see a cloth soaked in wine first. For that part, forget the cloth and just bring the wine. And you better have warm hands.

Oy gevalt!

On the way to work this morning, I figured out how to say some things better than my edits last night. Those will add two words. I can probably cut some description more. I added some for the sake of character building (that's right, I cut over 150 words but still was adding to the story).