(transcript of Secret Service command channel on Sunday, December 14 - edited for date)
Voice 1: "Cut the chatter, Shrub is on the podium. Eyes on the crowd, guys."
Voice 2:"I have a mark that looks agitated in the fourth row on the aisle. He's fidgety and doesn't seem to be paying attention. Should we collar him?"
Voice 1:"Negative, probably just has to go to the bathroom."
Voice 3:"Everybody's been wanded and hand patted down, right?"
Voice 4:"Roger that. Nobody has so much as a toothpick."
Voice 1:"Let's focus on the job, folks."
Voice 2:"My marks getting worse, he's going to pull something. I suggest we put a hand on him now to calm the situation."
Voice 1:"Negative on that, we're guests in this country. We can't just willy nilly snatch..."
Voice 2:"He's taken off his shoe!"
Voice 1:"Protect POTUS!"
Voice 3:"You take the shoe for the Shrub."
Voice 2:"Shoe in the air. Whoa, did you see that? Good toss. I didn't think POTUS could bend that fast."
Voice 4:"He's dropping the other shoe. Nab him now!"
Voice 1:"Wait, give him a sec. Double or nothing on the second shoe hitting."
Chorus of voices:"Bet, bet, bet"
Voice 1:"Damn, went wild. Okay, now nab him."
But in all seriousness, the Secret Service is trained to step in front of the President in a shooter situation. Wasn't anybody there willing to take a shoe for the Pres?